Wild Card

I wholeheartedly agree with those of you out there thinking that getting rid of the wild card feature was one of AI's biggest mistakes.

I do like the way the judges massacre the heck out of the Hollywood bound by putting them on the chopping block so quickly (and often) once they arrive in Hollywood. It's a good way to come up with this semi-final group. But then once we vote this group down, I think the judges should bring a wild-card choice in to stir things up. Perhaps it could be anyone from the Hollywood group and later. AND they could actually replace someone who shouldn't have made it that far with their wild card choice. I think they should be able to dismiss someone and replace them with their wild card choice. Yes! That's it. That would do it for me. What a moment that would be. Everyone is back on the chopping block in that one moment.

O.k. doing it that way would make up for stupid voting - people voted off too early (Patrick) or people getting through who have overstayed their welcome - think back to goat girl, red-haired crooner & marine boy. It could also give the judges a chance for a "do over" if they were on the bubble about someone who maybe should have gotten a shot in the first place.

The argument of course with the wild card performer is that this person is dropped back into the competition all fresh and ready to go without having suffered through all the stress and strain that the others have just endured for weeks. Whatever. There's nothing equal and fair about the whole thing if I'm keeping it real for you folks. People can vote for anyone for any reason in any quantity they desire on any given week. There's no guarantee that anyone is getting through based on their actual talent anyway so why worry about it? Give us a wild card pick. Come on FOX .... do it... I triple dog dare you.

Hey, but that's just me. And what do I know.

Anyway.... I'm sure you've guessed that this all to say that I don't think Patrick should have been voted off yet. There were clearly worse performances. But you know, what did I say about him after the performance show? That he was forgettable. That I didn't even remember his performance either by the time we were dialing 1-866-vote a friend - and I loved this guy's voice. What did I remember on the other hand? His super freaky friends in the audience! That's what we were talking about instead of his voice...

Lesson learned I hope. Never take friends to the show that may upstage you. I'd have mistakenly voted for them if they had a number flashed under their faces... that's how much more memorable they were.

I'm out.

Oh the pain of it all...

What the heck?!?!

WHAT THE.......

(((sigh))) I'm here. And you know, I started watching this season and was sooooo uninspired. I was thinking maybe this is it. You know, like when Survivor got to like island #56 or something... just not all that interesting anymore.

But then they flew their butts to Hollywood and started singing to me. Calling me back. And when Taylor Hicks strolled his Ray Charles behind down the middle of that judging room blowing some heat on that harmonica.... ya'll I knew I'd lost my mind. It was over. I was back.

So Shonda talked about the girls. And I'm with ya'... Now the boys last night... that's all a TiVo fast forward moment except for 3 people. I mean is there no advice for these boys on their song choices? That was just painful in some cases. Truly painful.

Sway... I LOVES ME SO SWAY... but honey absolutely a brutal song choice. Now get this. I liked it after I played it back a few times. But I didn't love it. And it made my ears bleed the first time I watched it. I knew Simon was gonna massacre him cause he HATES that whole falsetto thing like he hates wearing white shirts. But I think he has the lady appeal which is what drew me in after playing it back a few times. You CAN hear pretty Shonda. I think you can. (or I did anyway last night!)

Patrick - once again I love this guy's voice but the song choice was horrible. Sad really. Hopefully he won't be forgotten. I had forgotten him by the end of the show myself sadly. Not until I saw the playbacks did I go "Oh... I should remember to vote for him."

Taylor - another bad song choice for an amazing voice. Please stick to your old bluesy, r&b, old southern stuff and leave that song alone.

Ace - oh he's good. Yummyliscous and a good singer. This boy can sing his butt off and unlike the others, he selected a perfect song. PERFECT for his voice and vibe and all that was yummyliscious about George Michael was oozing out of this kid too. BUT I was feeling a little like vomiting when he channeled Constantine at the end. I HATED that Constantine thing. If you're listening honey I have some advice: For the love of God Ace drop that crap now!

HHhhmmm... my rocker dude Chris. I loved that number. First of all I love that song. Yep, I love a little rock just like the next girl out there. And I love this boy for some reason. Rough and rocker, but not all Joe Cocker kinds of weird like Bo was. (Oh don't all act like it's just me who felt that way about Bo. Ya'll know you thought that too.) Clean cut, rocker. Doesn't get any better - in a rocker sort of world.

And the best of the show in my opinion: Elliott. The best male voice no question. Crazy soulful white boy with a last name like Yamin? HUH?!?! Go on with your bad self! But let me say this... he does not have what Ace and Sway have... the looker thing. Spend some of your first recording contract dollars on some dental work baby. It's o.k..... I'm still voting for you all the way.

Best 2 moment of the show: For all you TiVoers... go back and watch Patrick's performance. Just the end and through the judging when they show "Patrick's Friends" caption under 2 of THE scariest, freakiest people who look every bit of 55 years old cheering him on in the audience I've ever seen in my life. I played that back over and over again. My remote is worn out. It's a better audience moment than Fantasia's pimp looking, gold lame shirt, fedora wearing daddy ever was. SCARY. I'm not so sure the woman isn't a drag queen... and that's o.k. if she is... but I'm sorry, don't go to support your friend getting his big break on AI in bad drag. That's just a tip. (And don't go writing me about how I'm a drag queen hater... cause I sooooo am not. But I do give sound advice about social situations and t.v. camera moments - drag queen or not. Get your hair and makeup done professionally or something is all I'm saying!) O.k. I couldn't help it. I just ran back to my t.v. and watched it again. Oh stop! Just stop the madness. I can't stop laughing.

O.k. the 2nd great moment was when Simon told that freaky Gedeon character that his smile was scary, creepy or whatever it was it was just flat out howling F-U-N-N-Y.

Alright. That's my take on things right now for the guys. Results are coming on.

I'm out.

Okay, okay, OKAY already...

So I had no intention of blogging.

Not this season.

I mean, I had the intention but things got busy and life got busy and besides, those damn audition shows GET ON MY NERVES what with all the sad crazy folk out there who think they can sing and then get on TV and get made fools of. It makes me sad, those people with their delusions. Because, hey, I like to sing as much as the next person -- in the shower. But even I can hear how bad I sound. And if I couldn't hear it, at least my family loves me enough to not let me go on believing I'm Whitney when I am clearly not. But these people...clearly, they have no one who loves them. Because there they are on the TV screen, howling like cats and acting all shocked when Simon yells at them.

Which is a long way of saying, I had decided that my love affair with AI was over.

AI and I were getting a divorce.

But I couldn't stop sneaking a peek at the Tivo every once in a while to see what was going down. And so it happened.

What always freaking happens.

THIS STUPID SHOW HOOKED ME AGAIN!!!

Tonight was...well, the word for the night is "adorable." Yep, adorable. Why? Three names -- Lisa, Paris and Katherine. Could there be three girls on the planet more made for this competition?

I. Don't. Think. So.

Two of them are barely out of diapers at 16 and one is barely legal at 21. And they sing so good. They sing so good that they make up for last season. Remember the Diva Season? With the three divas who could SANG? Remember Fantasia? Remember the good old days?

These girls were better than the good old days. Mainly because they were so adorable that I wanted to wrap them up like presents and take them home. Plus, they had talent.

Thank the Gods for talent.

Now, y'all know there were some bad performances tonight too. What was up with the chick who thought she was a rocker? Why was she there? Was she there because Randy and Simon thought she was hot? Because pretty don't reach the ears, people. Becky needs to go be on America's Next Top Model and leave us alone. That's my career advice for the night.

I am more excited for the men tomorrow. Y'all, I'm in love with the gray haired boy. IN LOVE. Taylor Hicks is my new pretend husband. He's so Ray Charles meets crazy country boy. I adore him. ADORE. LOVE. ADORE.

Okay, let me calm myself.

I also have a crazy country boy thang for Bucky Covington. How can you not love that boy? He's all "y'all" and "ev'body" and "yessir". Then he opens his mouth and becomes better than every country star I've ever seen. He rocks. He rolls. He makes me forget I hate country music.

Okay. I'm hooked again. The divorce is off.

AI + Shonda 4ever TLA.

What did y'all think?

We ain't in hiding...

....no, we are here.

And boy have we missed y'all. Dancing with the Stars, Skating with Celebs, Survivor, The Biggest Loser...all of it was a prelude to the real thing coming on back. AI 2006!

Now, I must admit that my pet peeve is blogging about the auditions. I hate them as they don't show us enough good singing. They don't bring the talent. They bring the humiliations.

But I have already picked my winner. A little girl named Paris. Did you see her? She's so freaking cute and SOOOO freaking talented!

I can not WAIT until they all get to LA and we can see who has the goods and who does not. That's when the blogging will begin with a frenzy....

To Quote Fantasia: "Finally, I Believe..."

After a season so boring that i couldn't even be bothered to post most nights...

After a Tuesday night finale so dull that I hit pause and went to bed because I didn't care if I missed it live...

After a year of heart ache and anger and rants and raves about WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY FAVORITE SHOW...

...the finale was spectacular.

Yes, y'all. I'm a believer once again. Never thought it would happen. But I'm in. I'm back. I could not stay away after that.

Look. Carrie was good. Bo was good. Whoever won, it was all good. But I felt no passion. Had no favorites. Frankly, did not give a crap who won. Whatever. But tonight...

...tonight...

...tonight, after about an hour and thirty-two minutes of some of the lamest time-filling skits and montages and bad Ryan Seacrest banter I've ever seen (and I've seen a'plenty)...

...tonight...

...they gave us a series of musical numbers so good that I rewound to watch not one, not two, not three, but FOUR times in a row.

Babyface?

Vonzell on a piano?

GEORGE BENSON?

Lynnrd Freakin' Skynnrd?

Did you SEE that?

It was good. It was GREAT. It was FLAWLESS in its TV-perfection. It was pure Idol.

(I'd like to take a moment to give a shout out to Jessica's belly bulge hanging over her pants -- the one dark spot in the evening. Y'all know I have nothing against a girl with meat on her bones. As long as that meat ain't served up in my face.)

But back to the beauty. That musical medley ALMOST made up for an entire top 12 season of some of the worst and dullest performances I've ever witnessed. It ALMOST made up for the fact that there were no makeovers this year. It ALMOST covered up my pain at the lack of "Real World"-style footage of our contestants living in a giant but blandly decorated mansion in the hills.

ALMOST.

Not quite.

ALMOST.

You know what FULLY made up for all of AI's crimes in 2005?

Carrie.

Yep. I said it.

Carrie.

JonBenet Barbie herself.

In about five seconds -- the time it took Ryan to rip open that envelope and announce the winner --- she went from freaky boring singing automaton back to that cute milkmaid from Oklahoma who sang to her cows. She went from icky to sweet. I hate Carrie. Y'all know I do. But in the end, Carrie did the thing.

She did what every Idol winner in the history of AI does.

She got the magic.

They called her name. Her face lit up. She cried. And she turned into the American Dream.

It's corny. It's so downright cheese-y that it makes me want to hurl. It's lame. It's naive. It's stupid. It's a corny, cheese-y, lame, naive, stupid modern day Miss America pageant complete with confetti and a closing song.

And I love every minute of it. Every year. Every time.

Damn that Idol show for making me cry.

That's the genuis of Idol. It's why the show works. No matter how cynical you are feeling going into the final night, by the end, you are wiping away tears, swaying to the freakin' music and thinking to yourself, "God, I love this show."

I hope that next year, I am more glass half full about the show. I hope they bring back the makeovers. I hope they have contestants I can get behind with a crazed passion. I hope Idol 2006 is the season of my dreams.

But even if it isn't, I will get suckered into watching. Because I love that last five minutes. Because I am a fool in love for the confetti and the tears and the song. Because Idol is always Idol no matter how much they try to mess it up.

And until next season...

...is it just me or can you NOT WAIT to watch the dueling Dance Competition shows on Fox and ABC?

Dancing. To votes. It's like...Dirty Dancing with Baby out of the corner. It's Footloose without the barns. It's EVERY SINGLE MADONNA VIDEO EVER MADE.

Joy.

Oh, happy joy.



This is Shonda, reporting alive once again from my sofa.

The Bo Bice World Tour

I was actually excited. I got up a little excitement for the big final 3 showdown. I like all 3 of these contestants and this year.... they can all sing their butts off. So maybe that's what makes it all so .... so.... so.....

I don't know.

But something is different this year about it because it doesn't seem so important to choose one over the other. Hhhmmm...

Moving on. I want to give a big shout out to my boy George Huff in the house last night. And I was so glad they gave Clive a seat at the table to be a real judge... til he opened his mouth and sounded like he was 150 years old yearning for the younger years. Oh sorry. That just slipped out. On with the show.

Bo = winner. I'm not voting for him. But he is a hot, very talented performer who is a ROCK STAR. ROCK..... and ROLL.... you go boy! Right before Randy said it, I said to myself "Is this American Idol or Bo's world tour pay per view?!?" He was performing like it was his private concert and Stepford Wife and Baby V (that V stands for VENEERS - the whitest teeth I've ever seen) were his opening and intermission acts. But those girls held their own I'll tell you that. Everybody came to play. A quick run down:

Bo - Clive's choice: Don't Let the Sun... I thought to myself as they said the title ELTON JOHN?!?! WHA!?! But then he sang that song ya'll. SANG in his shades giving himself some funk and world tour hotness and all. Bo's choice: I dont' know what that was. BUT I am not in agreement with half the world who believes this was the single greatest performance they've seen on Idol. It takes alot to impress me... and that wasn't it. Acappella stunts do not impress. But it had all the WOW factor it needed to get him the votes. And that was his point ya'll. Judges choice: I can't get no satisfaction. O.k. Bo and the Stones?!! DUH! Bo & the Stones is like checking Paula's purse for pain killers - you know the outcome. But guess what? Once again it wasn't all super star for me. I mean it was good. But I was sooo with Simon on this one. Not THAT good boy. Still I felt he had a great night. Sounded good, looked all kinds of hot rock star and that's probably where the votes are coming from. But I just have one thing to say, it's American Idol Bo... you ain't on pay per view yet boy.

Vonzell - Clive's choice: Never Love This Way Again. And may you never sing that pitchy again. Oh V I was sad for you. It was good... but those of us who really know.... knew it was pitchy here and there. You looked good though. A little beauty pageanty and all, but still very pretty dress. Next choice: Chain of Fools was HOT, HOT, HOT. That girl sang the heck out of that song. This performance got the replay award in my house last night. I must have Tivo'd that back at least 10 times before watching the rest of the show. And she looked good in those jeans and sweater (Vonzell, email me and tell me where you got the sweater girl). Final song: On the Radio. FINALLY!! How the heck did we get all the way to season 4 without hearing my beloved queen of disco Donna Summer?!?! Every time they did Disco night I wrote about not hearing any Donna Summer. Go Vonzell. But.... V.... honey..... take that pink sequin tube top and those horrible black cropped pants I hate back to the store. If we can get past the tube top Vonzell actually had a very hot night. But she seems to be going unnoticed next to Bo and Carrie.

Carrie - Clive's Choice: Cryin'. HUH?!?! Clive what? Did anyone else wonder what that was about? But she sang it with all kinds of greatness. Her voice is incredible. Hard to believe this girl is hanging out milking cows with her dad with an undiscovered voice like that. Carrie's choice: AIR SUPPLY. AAHHHHH kill me know I thought. I chocked on my drink when Ryan said it. I swear. But guess what? Once again... she powered it out and pulled it off. And thank goodness she got the memo and stayed away from the 80's hair or those Stepford dresses last night. Whew. Judges choice: Man I feel like a woman. Once again.... DUH!! And just like when I thought Bo's was a DUH moment.... it wasn't. I wasn't all that impressed. Bad arrangement. Poor performance. But she did alright vocally. Just alright. I'm just a little surprised that she couldn't pull off a better pure country pop performance with a perfect Shania song.

O.k. so to sum it up. All 3 had some HOT and some just O.k. moments. Noone blew it and sucked the big one. And all 3 are very talented. This is a tough one. My gut tells me Bo is a shoo-in. And Vonzell's gone unnoticed and will be flying home next to her daddy in a bad pimp suit.

well the results are on and I'm out!

A guest judge... maybe?!?!

Note to AI Producers: Please let Clive sit at the big kids table Tuesday night.

Would you just give us a little excitement? HUH?!?

Tuesday night, Clive Davis is scheduled to appear on the Idol to add his knowledgable 2 cents about the final 3. Clive is like the Pope of pop for those of you that don't know who I'm talking about. A press release states he's scheduled to appear, but there's no word on what the format will be or if he'll just be speaking on that crazy big screen instead of speaking live from say A CHAIR AT THE TABLE (hint, hint..... producers!). And dont write me Catholics... I'm down with the Pope and all, I'm just saying... he's big and all... you know....

Anyway, we may get a little boost.

See, everyone talked about how they hated the guest judges and all in previous seasons... well look what all your whining brought you this year people. No press and curls from the 80's disco star has beens. No great celebrity opinions while the contestants slave away at their side at the piano somewhere. No double Paula like don't want to hurt anyone's feelings comments from the artists that didn't want to burn their slim to none chance at a comeback. No nothing.

.....aaaahhhhh... those were the days. Can we get a little Clive in the house Tuesday night?

Can we just get a little bit of guest judge?

I'm out.